My wife was able to sneak this pic of my butt during our Yosemite trip. I have entitled it, “The Quality Caboose”. This is both arrogant and self-indulgent. Oh well…

(p.s. Yes, I am joking, and I will admit that the sculpt of my rear cabin could use serious time on a stairmaster.)

So, I bought some Transformers toys about two weeks back, and my wife caught me playing with them. Guilty as charged. The game I was playing involved Scorponok attacking a survery party, only to be thwarted by Jazz. The scope of the duel grew larger as Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Barricade, and Blackout showed up. Lots of humans got punt kicked, stomped on, and blasted. It was a fun night.

Friends, grace, peace, and thanks to each and every one of you. May a chicken lay for you a golden egg, and may you use it to gain riches beyond measure…or if it’s not real gold, may you make a wonderful omelette with it.

Here’s a fun story some of you might appreciate. This morning my wife and I pulled into our parking lot at work, and a duck was sitting in the middle of the road. I said,

“I’m gonna drive close to him and scare him off”.
“Okay, but don’t hit him”, she replied.

I drove close but didn’t hit him, and he just sat there. Stupid bird. Then My wife began thinking about other cars not being so courteous.

“I Don’t want get hit. We need to get him out of the road.”
“Okay,” I said, “I will hiss it like an alien from Aliens.”
“What?”

My wife then stood and watched as I walked toward the duck and hissed like an alien from the famed franchise, “HHHHHHEEEEEAAAAAAACCCCCCHHHHHHHH”. That duck flew away like he was called home for supper. It totally worked, and I was happy.

Song of the Post: “I Wanna Be Where You Are” by Michael Jackson from The Ultimate Jackson 5 Collection

Grace, peace, and thanks, friends! May today find you well and in the good graces of your respective governments. I don’t want any of my readership in trouble.

I was at a seminar with my wife yesterday, and a guy there was totally try to steal my kool-aid (aka - hit on my wife). In a room of empty seats, he took the seat next to her. At the breaks he’d say something to her as she was walking out of the room or returning to it. My wife, a very kind and beautiful woman, was courteous–but certainly not giving him an inch. It was funny to me since frivolty is oftentimes more humorous than sad. What really highlighted the experience for me was that with each attempt I felt not only anger (since that was my wife!) but pride, because I really felt like, “Yeah, that’s right, my wife is desireable, and she’s mi-ine. Good job, me.” Ha ha! Victorious!

Grace, peace, and thanks, to you all for reading. I have checked my site stats, and many of you return here daily for entertainment. I hope I am fulfilling your hopes and dreams of laughter.

Here is proof that my wife is a better person than me. This is a transcript of a conersation we had today, and I wrote it down right after we finished laughing, so this is how it went down:

Jam: Look, a coupon to Seaworld.
CJ: Are there sharks?
Jam: Well…Well, there’s a killer whale.
CJ: Can whales kill sharks?
Jam: Whales can kill dolphins.
CJ: Pffff–Anyone can kill a dolphin.
Jam: No, They’re nice.

What have we learned:

First, I am willing to kill dolphins and believe anyone could do so.
Second, Jam believes this is an unfavorable behavior because Dolphins are nice.

See, she’s better than me…

I was at a luncheon today, and someone tried to eat a string bean, and this person said, “It’s so long it almost didn’t fit in my mouth.” It took every ounce of self-control not to immediately interject the phrase “That’s What She Said” and heartily laugh.

For those of you who do not get the joke, Here’s a primer:

I am failry self-effacing when it comes to my intelligence; and today will stand as an example of my right to be so. I had a mug of coffee, and a granola bar. What’s ridiculous is that I felt dipping the granola bar into the coffee would be a great idea. Now, anyone with more sense than me, including most fish and children, would have realized that the structural stability of a granola bar would not withstand the heat and saturation of warm coffee and felt this to be a less-than-stellar venture. Well, once again, they have proven smarter than I, for as I write this, half my granola is disintegrating into my coffee….mmmmm, a little piece of heaven in every sip….

WARNING: The video embedded below includes profanity.

As a child, I tried to watch every episode of Siskel and Ebert. I loved these guys, and I still enjoy Ebert to this day. BUT despite my love for their show, this behind-the-scenes promo recording this may be the best footage of the two of them together. It’s hilarious for two reasons. First, it seems they don’t really like each other or, at least, were upset with one another at the time of the shoot, which made for great banter. They insult one another openly with venom and spite, and it’s excellent. Second, they ebcome friends again, but only after they begin to mutually make fun of nationality and organized religion. If this were the scene in a movie, it’d be lauded over and praised becuase the way this thing plays out is so funny and unexpected that when it ends, you don’t even know what to think. So check it out if off-color humor and profanity don’t bother you.