This movie is funny. I know most people ask about it as compared to The Forty-Year Old Virgin, but I’m not even gonna bother comparing them because this flic has nothing to do with that movie. It’s its own movie, and it’s a good one.

Knocked Up is, of course, the story of a woman who gets “knocked up” and is pregnant with the child of an overweight pothead who is starting up a website that documents nudity in mainstream film. I suppose this is every single, working woman’s nightmare; and, in a way, every overweight pothead’s nightmare as well. It’s a conundrum. It’s a problem for the folks, as well as those surrendering them. This is very cool aspect of the movie, because even when the movie lags in the comedy arena, it still presents some interesting ideas about relationships. Sure, this movie is unabashedly raunchy, but it actually deals with issues. Most sex comedies only do one or the other. To have a movie that does both is a real treat.

Knocked Up is a fun, thoughtful and engaging comedy, and I really, really enjoyed it. Plus, my wife said it’s kind of a “woman’s” movie, too; so the fact that it was meaningful to both of us is a definite plus. I’m giving Knocked Up a 5. I really dig, and I look forward to seeing it again.

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang is a well-done dark comedy written and directed by action movie veteran, Shane West. The film follows a burglar, who becomes an actor, only to be trapped in a Hollywood crime web. The story is somewhat convoluted, but that’s okay–why? Because of the execution. Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang is executed exceedingly well. The two central actors, Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr., are both fantastic and believable characters who carry the movie on their shoulders.

And Shane West has given them excellent material to work with. Both actors are in fantastic form and are just a pleasure to watch, even if one may be confused or uninterested in the story. And you may not be. It’s a really fun ride, but it is kind of a niche comedy for people who are really into action movies, buddy comedies, and studio filmmaking–all of which are taken to task by West with satirical wit. What is expected is never the outcome, and many scenes one has seen played out a hundred times seem fresh while remaining familiar.

If you can’t tell, I enjoyed Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang, and I am going to give it a 5. It’s a good time.

As odd as this may seem, I’m not gonna spend alot of time and energy on King Kong. Despite it being director Peter Jackson’s big follow-up to Lord of the Rings, the film lacks all of that fantasy’s magic. It’s a long drawn out mess in which every sequence is about 5 scenes too long, making the ideas and concepts of the film dull and repetitive without purpose. Jackson seems to have put alot of heart and soul into the piece, even giving non-essential characters seemingly important subplots and arcs. It’s a valiant ever, but the whole project fell rather flat to me.

Sure, there are some fantastic special effects. Yes, there is some good action. I know, it’s amazing how they infused the giant ape with personhood and made me care for it. I get all that, but all the good points of the movie (of which their are maybe 35 minutes worth) were hardly worth the immense time investment to glean them. I felt the film needed what we on the streets call “an emotionally detached editor” to chop the movie down to a stellar, unflinchingly energetic 90-110 minutes (yes, not even a full two hours). It would have then been a masterpiece. Right now, it’s too much of a kid playing with his toys for a few hours, procrastinating on his chores and homework. I give the studio credit for letting Jackson have his day alone in the sandbox to do what he wanted, but it wasn’t for me at all.

King Kong almost gets a 3 from me, but I also want to give it a 2 since I watched it twice, thinking it couldn’t possibly be as bad as I thought it was the first time around. Oh cruel mind, how you play tricks on me so. The movie was far less enjoyable the second time around, and that’s saying something, especially since that’s another 3 hours I’ll never get back. On first impression, King Kong would’ve gotten a 3 from me, and I’ll be generous and give it that—oh, wait no I won’t. 2 for King Kong. Okay, okay, I did think it was “alright” and letting my own stupidity hurt it more. I’ll be nice. 3 for Kong

Kindergarten Cop was one of those movies I saw when I was in grade school, loved, and continue to enjoy even now. Personally, I think it’s one of Schwartzneggar’s better outings, particularly because it shows some level of range between the rough and tumble cop and a model elementary teacher. I appreciate how Schwartzneggar uses the one to develop the other. It’s an interesting dynamic, and I think he’s great at both.

But Schwartzneggar only carries the movie so far. For me, the child actors hold their own weight with the superstar and many of them have the most hilarious and memorable moments in the movie. They really did some great work with kids in this flic, and each time I watch the movie I find new moments to enjoy. Given the movie’s date, it’s also fun to reminisce about where else one saw this child or that. The other adult actors are serviceable, with highlights coming from the actresses that play Schwartzneggar’s partner and the school principle.

The story of the flic follows John Kimble, as he attempts to find the runaway ex-wife and son of a hardened criminal before the villain and his mother do. The catch is that in order to set the trap, Kimble’s partner is supposed to go undercover as a kindergarten teacher in the town where the runaways are hiding. When she gets the flu, however, Kimble is forced to take up the task, and despite a rough start, he eventually develops a system of order in the choatic classroom and actually teaches, protects, and develops love for the children. In the end, he finds the wife and child and is forced to protect them from the coming kidnappers.

Like I said, this is a movie from my childhood that has consistently entertained me anytime I watch it. The story is a solid structure on which to hang continuous, great laughs; and I love the kids and Schwartzneggar. Kindergarten Cop is a good comedy gets but isn’t one of my favorites nor one of the best comedies ever, so it gets a 5 from me.

Kiss the Girls is probably one of the most solid thrillers to emerge from the late nineties. It’s not perfect, but it’s solid. The story is fantastic, the directing is engaging, and the acting is believable. Here’s a plot synopsis (sans spoilers): A killer in North Carolina targets beautiful and talented your girls for a personal harem. When the girls disobey, he kills them. Unfortunately for him, one of his kidnapped trophies is the neice of Alex Cross (Morgan Freeman), who then gets personally invested in the case. When one of the kidnapped girls escapes, Cross finds a perfect ally in solving the whereabouts of the killer and his motivations for his action. Ta-Da! Pretty interesting stuff.

To my knowledge, this is THE breakout hit for Ashley Judd; and rightly so. She is really good in it. She’s not afraid to look horrible after trauma (always a plus for actresses) and believeable in her depiction of a strong, determined woman. Of course, her performance is completely overshadowed by the film’s true star, Morgan Freeman, who in this movie, is cooler than Shaft. Morgan Freeman, in Kiss the Girls, is awesome. He is smooth, strong, intelligent, and dresed to kill–he’s just awesome in this movie. Notable support comes from Tony Goldwyn and Cary Elwes as well. It’s a solid cast.

So we got solid acting, solid story, and Solid directing, making for a solid picture overall. Kiss the Girls is a good thriller. I give it a 4 for me. It’s good, not great, but good.

The Killer is arguably the quitessential John Woo Hong Kong Action flic. It follows the story of a hitman who is betrayed by his employers following a job wherein he was seen. Pretty straightforward stuff, right? Well, no. John Woo’s Shoot-to-kill action opera is more about relationships and honor in the underworld. It’s a film of tragedy, revenge, friendship, honor, and justice. It’s just awesome. It’s AWESOME!!!

The first time I saw The Killer was in high school with my buddy Dave. During the movie, a huge gunfight happens at an ocean-view house (one of my favorite locations for combat); and both my friend and I were happy with it, feeling the movie had concluded and The Killer had won and gotten the girl…Well, then about 7 minutes later, another fight begins in a church, and I remember that both Dave and I were quiet throughout the whole movie; but when we saw an army of henchmen running toward the church, he just uttered the sound, “AAAAAAAAWE”—not the cutesy “aaawe” when you see a baby, but an “AAAWWWE” like when you see a bus crash into a train. And once he said that the action began, and it was insane! I remember both of us were BUZZING!!!

Nearly ten years later, the Buzz is not only still there, it’s stronger than ever, because now I can actually follow the story and understand the theme. I love The Killer. It’s not one of my all-time favorite films, but I still love it. It’s soooo good. The performances, the choreography, the insanity, the drama, the comedy, the everything. I mean, this movie has it all, and it has it all in spades. It’s…it’s just spectacular.

In my opinion, certain stories transcend time and place, meaning that you could take the essential elements of plot and character and insert them into any time and place, and they would still work. They’d still resonate and have meaning, and The Killer is that kind of story, and I LOVE IT!!! This story could be re-made in the jungles of Africa or streets of 16th century London, and it would still be just as exciting and powerful. I would love to make an adaptation of this movie in a different time and place. It’d work and be awesome.

The Killer gets a 6 for being an amazing story with epic action and well-developed drama that transcends time and place. Acutally, no I’m gonna round up TO A 7 cause I can’t think of anything dislike in this flic. I love every minute of it, from what’s being said onscreen to what’s being communicated in the subtext. Man, I love this movie. It is an insanely good gunslinger flic with all the comedy, tragedy, and theme of the greatest works in literary history. It’s amazing!