So, I have been trying to keep it real–even to my own chagrin and embarrassment–and a song that was on my radio 6 months back that i really enjoyed was from the new boy band, NLT (a.k.a “Not Like Them”, an unintentionally laughable name for a teen pop band). Anyway, the thing is that I caught this song on radio, and I thought, “I haven’t heard music like this since the Clinton administration”–little did I know it was a boy band that I was hearing, and I was once again falling into my old shame. In the prison system, they refer to this type of behavior as “recitative”.

Anyway, long story short. I hear the song and I decide to catch the music video. The first thing that haunted me is that one of the singers–Kevin McHale, who sings the second verse—has appeared on one of my favorite television shows, The Office; and oddly enough, while seeing him on the show, I thought, “that kid is such a punk, but he totally has that look that girls in high school would dig–the kind of look that I never had, whcih resulted in countless rejections.” Lo and behold, I was eerily right–just a testament to how sick my enjoyment of these bands is. The second thing that haunted me was that the video was more derivative as anything I had ever seen. I mean nearly every single shot is swiped from previous Boy band vids–it even includes the “impromptu” “Whoaaaa’s”, after which the performer looks at the camera, as if to communicate to a girl watching in the audience, “I am singing to you”. Boo-hiss.

Anyway, I felt this would make for an interesting post–particularly given my recent attempts to include more musical posts around the stage. So, like I said, the similarities between this “Not Like Them” video and others of the same kind were quite daunting and makes me feel the band should be renamed, “Just like them” [NOTE: I realize that last comment was totally obvious, but just in case no one put it into the ether, I figured it might as well be me]. So, below I have outlined 5 things that make up a “Boy Band” soft song music video. Check it out and see if you can pick up any more:

1) The group is together alot, looking good as a unit,a s a unified brotherhood…without a girl being sung to. That’s right, we just see lots of the group just performing for each other or the invisible audience.

2) Close ups of faces as we hit the end of a verse/measure.

3) Attempts at being “cool”. This can include doing neat dance moves alone, rap interludes, open shirts to reveal toned abs, or all of the above.

4) Coordinating outfits

5) Varying locales without seeming connection, purpose, or inherent use other than to look “cool” or enhance the band’s appearance.

Appendix - If there is a girl in the video, we see plenty of her solo with little to no direct interaction with the band–as that would imply (a) the group might fight over her and not be the unified brothers we are led to believe they are (b) or they were going to run a train on her (if you don’t know what that means, please, for your own sake, do not look it up–it’s knowledge I wish I didn’t have–just know it’s bad).

Out of mercy for the world, I have decided to post only two other similar boy band videos to prove my point; but you too can check out just how true the above assertions are at your own risk. Also, for everyone who says, “Duh, that’s obvious. You’re an idiot,” I’m sorry that I ‘m slow; but hey, at least I caught on eventually…

Also, just a heads up, Despite my criticism, I will–much to the disappointment who WANT to respect me–pick up the NLT album. I like teen poop music. I’m sorry.

So, as I continue dropping these music video spotlights, I felt it appropriate to bring up, Janet Jackson’s video for the song, “IF”, from the album, Janet. In my opinion, this is the video that really solidified Janet Jackson as a sex symbol. In it, she appears as a strong and self-assured minx in the art of pleasing men, and the video seems to really play to all of her strengths as a pop icon–particularly dance, seduction, and overall “sex appeal” (please note that “vocal diversity and performance” is not among those). The video is, even now–over ten years later–one of Janet’s best–featuring a story that involves an appropriately illicit tone given the songs lyrics, as well as fantastic, energetic dancing and attitude.

[NOTE: This video contains content which may be considered sexually explicit or inappropriate by some readers. View at one’s own risk.]

Song of the Post: “If” by Janet Jackson on the album, Janet

Just for a laugh, I’ve decided to give you all fodder to throw all manner of insult my way. Okay, here’s the deal. In high school, I was friends with tons of girls, and I was always trying to kick it to them like a wounded puppy, but I had less game than Don Knotts (see side).

Anyway, my addiction to affection became so desperate that I became enamored with the whole boy band phenom of the late 90s, seeking to emulate the peformers in such a way as to be adored by the girls who liked the bands so much. There were, of course, two problems with this plan. First, those guys were rich, talented, and moderately attractive. I was working at a department store and driving a dodge Omni, plus I had big ears and couldn’t really sing (my vocal stylings sound like a vulture being raped by a mongoose). Second, they weren’t really “into” those guys, they were realistic and into other guys who weren’t me, and my attempt to be boybander was more pathetic than adorable. Oh well, we scheme; we lose. Part of the psychological collateral damage of this endeavor was that I actually began to enjoy the music and, to this day, still listen to a few tracks here and there–much to the chagrin of my wife and people who respect me.

Anyway, during that period in my life, my “crack” was “Bye Bye Bye” from N*Sync. This video (in addition to live performances) was my catalyst to learn how to dance (literally) and was the centerpiece of shameful ploy (figuratively). I have performed the dance number, as seen in part in the video and in whole, at 4 dances at 3 different schools as well as several dormitory hallways and parking lots. It earned great cheers, applause, praise, and once a girl even put a dollar in my shirt–oh yes, it’s true.

So, anyway, I know none of you will watch this. That’s fine. I just thought that I had to keep it real and admit to my own heinous crimes of the past, even if it’s just to get a laugh out of the three of you that read this blog.

“Bye, Bye, Bye” the music video

Arguably the greatest music video of all time, this mini-horror film is a grand affair of zombies, monsters, dance, and pop music, all united to form a gift for the earth. Unfortunately, an embed of the entire video is unavailable, so you’ll just have to go through the link straight up. The video was apparently posted directly by Michael Jackson’s handlers, so it’s the real, full deal. If you’ve never watched “Thriller” all the way, do yourself a favor and check it. It’s hot stuff.

THRILLER

Okay, before everyone tells me I have bad taste and threatens to burn me with cigarettes, let’s get one thing straight. I’m not a dyed-in-the-wool fanboy of My Chemical Romance. Now, before all you My Chemical Romance fans say I’m a poser and threaten to stab me with gothic knives, let get’s another thing straight. I try to give credit where it’s due. So, below I have a music video that I have posted for your pleasure, and I’m going to explain why I dig it. Again, to MCR fans, if I don’t “get it”, relax. Again, MCR haters, if I’m being too generous, relax. I’m just calling it like i see it.

So, here is the video for “I’m not Okay”, the first single from the album, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. It’s a fine song. It’s no “Run to the Hills” by Iron Maiden but it’s a solid jam for what “rock” is these days. The song, however, is elevated through the very unique and creative video. Here’s what I gather when I watch this thing, it’s a trailer for the album. It’s not just a music video about the song, “I’m not Okay”. Sure it serves that purpose, showing that the band is made up of outcasts and the lead singer looks like the bastard son of Edward Scissorhands and late 1990s Michael Jackson (!zinger!), but the video far transcends the song. To me, it says, “Here’s a taste of our album and what you’re gonna get–for real.” I’ve not seen another opening single really, intentionally do this. Singles tend to showcase the artist and just be their own singular product. The “I’m not Okay” videos appears to be reaching for more, as if to say, “This video is not about ‘I’m not Okay’, it’s about what we’re going to give you in this album a a whole. If you’ve felt like us, you’ll relate to us. If you’re a tool or fake, we’re gonna expose you. We’re not like you, and we’re not ashamed of it. This is war.” I always respected that attitude of the video, much more than the simple, collage-mash-ups from other punk/rock/emo/whatever bands. So, anyway, if you watch the video and hate it, feel free to hand me my ass on a silver platter adorned with scathing criticism. If you watch it and you had the same reaction, back me up.

Hey Friends!

As many of you know, I am a big fan of Cee-lo Green’s style. The large and jolly man not only creates his own universe of fun and sillyness on his own records but recently found huge success as one of the two members in Gnarls Barkley, whose hit “Crazy” was one of the best songs of 2006. Anyway, Cee-lo was first introduced to me through the video below, and I want to share it with you today.

Cool back story. Me and a bunch of my buddies were hanging at my house, I believe it was after a movie shoot, and we were flipping channels with little success. We caught the back end of Jackass the movie, which was hilarious, but then we were basically surfing channels with little to no success of being entertained. Then out of nowhere, on VH1 Soul (channel 144 at my parents’ house) we found this absurd collision of funk-soul melodies and odd and peculiar images. We paused for a moment, laughing at many of the events in the video and taking great joy in its lead, a man whom none of us recognized. When the video ended, we were given that lower-left-corner information, and our love of Cee-lo Green began to blossom. As some of us purchased his album and found him featured on other artist’s tracks, the love grew, and a few of us were fans of Gnarls long before Crazy hit the radio.

So, anyway, that’s my history with Lo, and I now present to you the legendary video that began it all. It may not have the same effect on you that it did on us, but it’s still fun to boot. My favorite part is when the woman is going “la lalalala la” in Cee-lo’s ear, and he is reacting to it. His reactions are priceless. Also, the dance bit wherein they edit nearly every other frame to create a strobing effect is also excellent.

Okay, first and foremost, I hate links in my damn Firefox toolbar. I click them by accident and lose work, and it sends me into a pissy-hissy-fit. I almost throw my computer through a window and stab myself with the schrapnel I get so frickin mad. Anyway, thanks for letting me rant.

Today friend is the opening piece to a new feature I’m adding to the site called, “Music Video Spotlight”. Like most features, I will probably be into this for two posts, then become a derelict and never do it again–that seemed to be my pattern in 2007. Anyway, if that happens, well…I’m sorry in advance.

So, what’s with the music video spotlight. Truth be told, I dig music videos. Not so much for the story or look of the performers but moreso for the stylistic choices and overall execution of turning a song into a visual medium. i find the process fascinating when done well, and I have really come to enjoy studying some of my favorite vids in terms of their cinematography and editing choices.

For my first vid, I chose Sade’s “Cherish the Day” from the album, Love Deluxe. The video showcases some beautiful cityscapes, enhanced by the director’s choice of black-and-white-photography. Furthermore, the use of lines in the video is surprising and intersting, particularly given the flow of the song’s melody. It’s an interesting contrast really, the stark element of the numerous lines and shot composition to the songs own rhythm. Speaking of which, I love the blended elements of Sade’s movements, her flowing garments, and the soft rhythm. The uniting of these elements really captures a visual feel for the audio one is hearing. I dig the vid and the song, and I recommend giving it a look and a listen if you have 5 minutes.

Song of the Post: “Cherish the Day” by Sade on Love Deluxe